The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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