She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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