if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
