Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
