Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
