all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
