i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
