4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
