I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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