Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
