p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
