I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
