There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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