my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
