Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
