Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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