The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
