you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
