It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
