careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
