Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
