How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
