You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
