saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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