hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
