i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
