SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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