honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
