so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
