When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
two words: eviction party
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
