you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
