She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
