I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
