I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
