Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
