Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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