New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
