dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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