He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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