he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
