I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
