We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
