Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
