Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
