Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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