You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw a hot homeless man
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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