When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
