Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
