Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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