sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
