This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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