sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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