Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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