Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
