Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
