im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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