Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
