Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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