I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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