It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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