I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sober January is a disaster.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
