I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
