she was so not down for the gang bang
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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