I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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