We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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