my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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