put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
