OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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